The month of September is a big birthday month. I think our calendar has over 20 birthdays for family and friends on it and our newest family member is set to arrive this month. Last week I headed to the doctor for my 36 week visit. I was meeting with a new doctor in the hopes of meeting all of them prior to having the baby so that I could at least recognize the person that is going to become intimate with my private parts in a very big way. I hadn't asked that Brooks go to too many visits with me other than the big ones but for some reason I kept pushing him to come to this one. He has been working about 1/2 hour away and it always seemed silly for him to come to a visit where I peed in a cup, got weighed and briefly listened to the heartbeat. But 36 weeks seemed like a bigger one and he was luckily working nearby. I was being checked (internally, yay!) and they were checking for a strep B infection, blah blah blah. I just felt like this was a more than 15 minute appointment and I wanted him there.
Um and let me tell you in advance if you don't know, the group B strep test isn't a blood test. It is a swab test. In personal areas. TWO personal areas. I didn't see that one coming. Half way through the appointment with my somewhat dumpy doctor, she began doing the internal exam after pushing around on my stomach some. I had heard that the internal exams weren't that bad but nothing of great fun for sure. Similar to a yearly exam but a bit more invasive - as in they use their hand and check things out. I think I am a wuss because that internal exam was somewhat painful. She even apologized, which made me think that she was being a bit more in depth than usual.
Then she got that look on her face like she was about to tell me something not so fun. And she did.
The littlest one, she believed, was breech. Bottom down, head up. After heading to their quickie ultrasound room she confirmed it, presented us with the options that were available and we were on our way. The options were try to turn the baby and hope he stayed put for a vaginal delivery or a c-section.
I am not going to deny that I was so grateful that Brooks was there. I am an emotional crying kind of girl and then add to the fact that I had planned on a fun little - you might be dilated - kind of visit and it turned into a hey your baby is bottom down and now you get to have a c-section. The doctor was nice enough but fairly blunt in the perspective that her quick ultrasound didn't show a lot of fluid around the baby and that his butt was nice and deeply settled into my pelvis so turning him was likely not an option. She also made me a bit nervous about trying to turn the baby and the harm that it could cause both the baby and I.
We scheduled an appointment for the following Tuesday and went on our merry way. Merry as in I started crying before we were a mile away from the office. My perspective on c-sections was that you had them when it was an emergency or otherwise medically necessary. And by medically necessary I really thought giant babies, odd shaped pelvis, distress to mother or baby. Not baby butt first which seems like the wimpiest of ways to require a c-section. I was getting ready to laugh like a 13 year old with my husband at the childbirth classes, not fill out forms and pick a date for the baby to be born.
It felt like it wouldn't be the experience I expected. I suppose it was more of the shock of the bluntness of the doctor and the unexpected change of events. They do c-sections at 39 weeks, which would make our time to get ready for baby even shorter. Somehow all of those little things made a difference. I worried about not holding the baby right after he was born (your arms are strapped down, I hear). Not being able to see him when they were doing measurements and the like. Brooks leaving me to go with the baby and being on a surgical table all by myself (and lots of doctors and nurses). Would breastfeeding come naturally? Just all of those things overwhelmed me. So I cried.
And then I began googling. I will be honest that I never really looked at the c-section part of books, websites or emails because that wasn't how my birth was going to go - according to me. Then I started looking into breech babies. Well don't do that. I fell victim to Dr. Google.
By yesterday's appointment I was sure that the baby was too small, his hips and legs were not formed correctly, I was leaking amniotic fluid and I was headed to have the baby immediately after having the appointment.