Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The day gets closer yet further away.

I am a worrier by nature which is not good when you are pregnant.  I think about where the seatbelt is positioned on my ever expanding waistline, I worry about the dog jumping up on me and bumping my stomach.  I worry about my husband driving two hours away when I could have the baby soon.  Worry worry worry.  It is my nature. 

Last week I headed to my 38 week appointment with another new doctor at the practice.  I really didn't care that I was meeting a doctor that I hadn't met before because - I'm having a c section with a doctor I know. Next week even! The visit started as usual, weight (just don't even look at the scale anymore, seriously), pee, strip from the waist down.  After I plopped my white pasty butt down on the table and delicately ripped the "sheet" as I attempted to tuck it around my arse the doctor came in.  I kept thinking about how my behemoth rear was peaking out the back and attempted to pull my shirt down just a little further.

The doctor started in on the regular details of my urine looking good, my blood pressure has started to go back down a bit, etc.  Then she said that she saw that my version was successful.  I looked at her like she had lost her marbles.  Lady, I didn't even try for a version because I don't have enough fluid, baby is too far down in my body to try to turn, etc. I thought that since we had the consultation, perhaps that is why she thought it was successful.  Oh well, chalk it up to poor record keeping.

Then I asked her if it was possible to learn the time that the c-section would be occurring on the 16th since my MIL is coming in from 9 hours away and we would like to do a little planning.  She then seemed to have a slap her head kind of moment like DOH!  Somehow they overbooked the cesareans for that day and lucky me I was the one to be bumped. Um, say what now?  But no worries, we can move it to the next week with Dr. X, Dr. X or Dr. X.  Fan freaking tastic but I have never met any of those doctors and I had plans dearie.  Plans, you hear me? 

I was already flustered a bit from explaining to her that I did not have a successful version and then she tells me that they are changing the date of the Cesarean.  In reality, not a big deal but it was the fact that they waited a week and a half after my appointment where the Cesarean was scheduled to let me know.  A week and a half after we started making all kinds of plans - like people coming in from nine hours away kind of plans.  I was equal parts mad and upset.  I didn't want to be at this appointment by myself picking a random date without my husband there. 

So I cried a little and she told me that we could head down and meet the one doctor that was there and we would schedule the Cesarean for that doctor.  Better than nothing I suppose. But first, let's check on that baby.  She started the doppler on my stomach and for a while had a little frownie on her face and moved the doppler around a bit. Since I was already flustered and worrisome, the time that it took her to wander around my stomach and find the quiet heartbeat were agonizing.  I was there on the table by myself thinking the worst thoughts possible.

Everything was okay in the end.  I am meeting the new c-section doctor this week and once next week the day before the surgery.  I chose the new date without my husband there.  I heard the quiet heartbeat.  But I still went to my car and cried. 

My heart has been so heavy lately thinking of Janet. I think about Baby Miller so often.  I can't imagine the pain and aching in their family right now and it makes me feel as though my little worries of what date to tell my mother in law for the c-section is ridiculous.  My little worries are just that - little worries.  I think about the true devastation that a young family is feeling right now and ache to take some of it away with my simple words and thoughts.  But I can't.  So instead, I send my love and thoughts their direction 100 times each day.

1 comment:

  1. (Blogspot ate my first attempt at this comment, reconstructing...)

    What an emotional day! I can't believe your office is being such a butt about things like, I don't know, the doctor who will be cutting you open and the day they will be doing such a thing! Goodness, I sincerely hope that is the last of that little dramaz.

    And thank you for posting about Janet, my heart and thoughts are also with her and Andrew all the time.